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We fight a lot but we love each other

Dear

I am in a relationship for 1 year and a month, where it is fine at times, and then we have are little fights... but then we have every couple of months these big big fights like basically if we didn’t love each other it would of been over along time ago!

but I got so many problems that build up to make these fights I don't know if it's me or my boyfriend?



I'll name the problems:



-Name calling- he calls me a bitch and slut and stupid, but then I call him names like asshole,jerk, stupid and etc. :(

Can you help me on this?



-I have a problem with him being around girl and that, it only started when he got really close with this girl like I don't think they did anything but they were like close like hugging flirting in front of me and touchy , and in my school most of the girls are like that.

so it bothers me when he looks down the hall or in class or etc and looks at certain girls I dislike because I feel he checks them out and says he doesn’t when I ask him? like i don’t know I just don't like him seeing ,sitting,looking,staring,talking,being touchie flirty with any girls cause of that one girl who just made me so mad that, that is what made us fight alot.



-Drugs like I know he doesn't do drugs but some of his friends do it and I would let him hang with them, but I don't trust him because he might do them with his friends behind my back, I use to let him hang with his friends and I would be all like yeah go for it but now I get all like no I don't think you should go because he did drugs behind my back when I left the province for a week and I phoned him everyday to tell him no drugs , behave and he promise he wouldn’t so from then on I've be worried concerned about me and this relationship getting hurt!



like I know it may sound like I'm controlling but the things that I am are the important things like I tell him to follow these certain rules like: No cheating, No Porn, be honest with me, no drugs, and no looking etc at girls!



Like I want this relationship to be happy again but there is just to much fighting but it's not only me I don't think!



Like we agree if we go to any parties we'd go with each other because it's not right to go to parties with out each other well it is just not right to get drunk and cheat kind of thing!

So that's fine but I don’t know I love him alot and he loves me alot I know we can't let go but the fights are just going to get worst like WORST! :( So please help me.



Also we use to go out alot instead of stay home and watch movies and etc and be by ourselves we use to hang with others now we don't and are fights seem more when we are alone with each other and not out?

And I never really like going out anywhere anymore? I use to but now I just don't know why?

so please if you can help me out and give me advice I would really appreciate that :(


-S



Hello S,

Well well well, so you are having a tough time. See in love there are certain things that should be considered with prime importance

1)Trust

2)Committment

3)Self-Confidence

You know what your main problem is, all the three above. You dont have any of the,. You dont trust your partner at all, you feel you are committed but definitely there is a gap and finally you highyly insecure that your BF might leave you.

See you have to be very composed especially in things which matter you a lot. You dont have to keep your guy pressing on the fact what he needs to do and what not to do. Give him space, its very important in a relationship. Just try doing this, ask him what makes him most happy. Try to get his feelings and what he thinks about the relation. What all stuff he would like to change in you, I am sure this might be depressing for you as you will be exposed to negative things of your but accept it and try to change it if they are wrong. Try to respect each other. Calling names at rare occassions happen but if its very frequent then that needs immediate attention.

After taking necessary inputs from him try to change that and do things according to him, I will bet that he will like it an there you are he is for you always.
Hope this helps,
Thanks,

Neptune

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