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Love, Lies & Sacrifice | Love Problems


Hi, While I was searching for some motivational quotes and videos, your blog appeared, and I am actually glad. I read all kinds of stories there but none matched with me which led me to write to you. Though my story is very confusing even to me, I bet it will be very confusing to you as well. So let me get straight to this problem. If you come from Indian or Nepali background, you get the idea on how our culture/tradition works. I have a relation with a guy who is lower cast and it has been more than a year. I come from a upper cast family plus we both are from a christian as well. Even though Christian people don't look for upper or lower but My dad does not want me to have any relations with him. Few months ago, my mom told my dad that I was having relation with him...after than, my dad went totally mad about it. I guess he can't accept him in future. My mom or any family members isn't like my dad... but the fact that my dad also has a bipolar disorder. I know he is sick but I feel he has to win on what he wants. He does not know how to surrender on anything. He has to be right and that's it. Also, I met my dad when i was 9 years now and started living with my parents since then.  My mom and dad lived separately for 14 years in different country. As of my dad's family, everyone tells that he was very bad; drinking and giving trouble to his family. I understand it was his adulthood but now he lives with his family....he needs to understand and learns to come into compromise also. I am 18 years now yet I have lost my hope on everything. For right now, there is no way that i can stay focus on my studies or anything.

On the other hand, I have lied to mom and other known people that i don't have any relation with him. Some believes, some don't. My boyfriend's family likes me...they are good to me... but my dad is totally against it... we are not going to marry even though he does not want it. Do you think I should give up or stay strong? My boyfriend is a very good person. I love my parents and boyfriend. I see a good future with him no matter what we should go through. I have been very strong till now balancing both sides because if i tell my boyfriend that he is lower cast and my dad is against it... he would get hurt and I don't want that. I don't think my dad will change either. He is in hospital now because of this.... I have said him that I don't have any relations( which is a lie because he said, he would die if i choose him)..... last week... he caught a photo of my boyfriend me and a mail that i wrote him...which drove him crazy plus his disease is also a problem... I have lost hope...  Tell me, what would be a best option to undertake?
Thanks to you!.. Hope I will get encouraged by your reply..waiting for it...

Nick replies:

It is not confusing but it is definitely complicated. Primarily if you want to be happy then be sure you will be happy with whatever decision you take. Coming to the dad first, ask him waht is the main reason he is opposing, is it because its a caste issue? or is it that he feels you do not have a good future with this guy? or is it that he doesn't want you to opt for love marriage?

Regarding the boy, if he is a good guy and if you can trust your life on him then do not lose this guy. Confront all the odds including your family and take it head on. Speaking with your family and say that if anything bad happens after marriage it will only be a damage to 2 lives, if something bad happens after you marry someone else it will be a damage to 4 lives.

Get to the root of the problem and then deal it.

Good luck and God Bless.